BARK AT THE MOON!

It just isn't Family Home Evening at the Lee's until the cops show up. Mother's Day either for that matter. But...

It was an ordinary Monday night. Dallin and I were hanging out in the church parking lot. He was riding his Honda CRF50R and I was watching as a proud and jealous papa. Proud of his prodigious skills and jealous because I wanted a motorcycle more than life when I was his age.

So, anyway, the bishop of the other ward and I have a history of disagreements over kids riding a mini-bike in an empty church parking lot, wearing a helmet, gloves, goggles, and a long sleeve shirt, with plenty of alert adult supervision.

I was not surprised when a cop showed up three minutes after the bishop left. The officer was cool about the whole situation, especially since he knew we were not violating any laws. He was glad to see Dallin's safety gear, noted his control of the motorcycle, and wished us a good evening.

The evening took a most awesome turn when we arrived home. My sorta twin sister (same birthday!) had dropped off a present to commemorate and celebrate the birth of her favorite person, ME! I was so excited to get another package of the most comfortable white tube socks ever. They are the ones with the grey and red toe stripes. The GOOD kind. I love them, love them, love them! Then, it got even better. Steph got me a magical present, one complete with power and glory, one which transformed me instantly after I put it on.

THE THREE WOLVES HOWLING AT THE MOON T-SHIRT!

I pulled it on and even before I could remove the white tag on the front my thumbs magically arose and I was channeling the spirit of The Fonz!


Then, the unseen magic contained within the shirt caused my sleeves to scrunch up, as though the shirt were actually a muscle tee, and my guns expanded to impress the ladies. I was immediately attacked by one of the ladies, who could not contain herself. She kept kissing me and tried to lure me after her with her brightly colored hair decorations.

But, I was not to be swayed be her. The shirt's ethereal aura spun my cap around to further reveal may true badness. A trophy flew into my hand, one which pronounced my true inner champion to the world. I felt like I had never truly lived before I put on the shirt.

This lady is still begging me to take her as my own. I believe she even wants me to be the father of her children. Thanks THREE WOLVES HOWLING AT THE MOON SHIRT, and thank you Stephanie for granting me this great gift of power!

Links to check out ABC News, 3 Wolf Moon-Pocahontas, and the original review by a law student. (Note to Steph, in the review, read what the dude was doing at Wal-Mart, I nearly pee'd myself. This shirt truly reveals my inner white-trashedness. Now I just need the mullet and goatee!)

I Finally Found My Password

That's right, I am a DUMAS! (That is a link, so click it already!)

I was reading someones blog around November and typed out a nice, heart-felt comment, and spent about 20 minutes trying to send it. I could not remember my password. That lead to several months of blog post inactivity. Except that I prefer the term "less-active" blogger.

It has been pretty laid back in my
world the last several months and I really haven't had anything to complain about. Just a little bit of work to do and a few fun classes to attend, combined with all of the brilliant, wonderful people in the world, each of whom I love and adore, makes the Orneryguy pretty mellow.


Besides, when you watch Steph and Jeff bustin' some serious moves at the ward party, life is really sweet. (Another link, one you do not want to miss!)

Dallin and the mighty Tigers have helped me to fill my abundant spare time. More on them later, I do not want to jinx them.

I am the complacent picture of perfect contentment. Not so much as a feather has been ruffled in so long that I scarcely remember what it feels like to get all worked up. Debi has truly found it joyeous to be around me, and any report she may give to the contrary is bovine manure.

However, I DESPERATELY NEED YOUR HELP! (it must be serious, there are caps, font changes, and an exclamation point, oh my)

"How can I help?" I'm glad you asked. Here's the deal, I need to have a stack of bumper stickers to keep in my vehicle at all times so I can let others know what I think of them and their amazing driving abilities. When I come across some outstanding example of "dipshitedness", (it is not a swear word if it is all in one word and in quotation marks, is it?) I need to be able to follow the fine fellow or gal until they are stopped long enough for me to jump out and plaster the rear end (the car or theirs, either one) with a bumper sticker which really defines my feelings towards them and serves as a warning to all others who see them or their vehicle. However, anything I can come up with is not Debi approved and may violate local decency laws. So please submit your suggestions and everyone will be a winner!

That's right, there is a story which goes with this need I have. I will try to keep it short, but I know I can't. In the law class I had this winter our Professor, "The Judge", gave us a seminar in being nice to others and not being judgmental towards them. I decided what the hell, I'll try it for a day and see if it kills me. It was a short lived experiment, and the most miserable five minutes of my life. Several hours after it failed, I recieved confirmation that some people are simply, um, idiots, and it is my life purpose to seek them out, let them know who they are idiots, and to warn all others about the iodiots I have found. It is a heavy burden I carry, but I bear it with a smile in my heart.

So, around 5 pm on the day of the failed experiment I dropped Abby off at BYU for her dance class and was hurrying to my fun Friday night job. I was in the far right lane, approaching a green light, when the car in the lane next to me signals, so I slowed down and let them move in front of me. I smiled, the experiment wasn't a total flop, I just let someone in my lane. Feeling rather saintly I wasn't even bothered when the light ahead of us turned yellow. The car in front of me hit the brakes hard and stopped, rather than turning right during the yellow light. No big deal, there was no traffic on University Avenue and plenty of room for the car to go.

But there it sat, blinker on, waiting for invisible cars. Several seconds pass and I give a light blip on the horn, letting the driver know it was safe to go. Not a hard honk, like some jerk, saying move it stupid. Just a little "beep" to say hi, hey, go ahead, it is your turn, I love you, and have a nice day. Nothing. Now the traffic was coming and there were no openings. I took a deep breath and decided it was ok. I could be a little late, and that was a real person in the car ahead of me, with real feelings, and I could be patient and understanding of them letting 30 seconds go by without turning when they could have and now sitting for several more minutes until the light turned green. And green it turned. But the car just sat there, right blinker flashing.

Then I could see the stupid-looking face of the driver peering in the mirror as s/he changed the blinker to the left one and sat through the green light trying to pull over into the center lane before moving. I honked a little firmer than before, and lowered my window to gently express my views of the drivers skills, IQ level, and overall attractiveness. I believe I also gave quite a disertation as to how much better off the planet would be without them, and thanked them for proving Darwin wrong. Evolution would have dried up that shallow gene pool eons ago. Late in the yellow light s/he finally got the gap s/he was waiting for and moved into the center lane as s/he ran the red light. This time traffic was heavy and I could not make the right hand turn until after two turning lights and the straight light had all turned to red.

As I finally made the turn and headed directly for the next red light I realized I needed bumper stickers. I had had plenty of time to go out and cover s/his car with expletive laden warnings of the diminished mental capacity of occupant of that vehicle. And I would do it too, if only I had the stickers. Now, all I need is the perfect statement, thousands of stickers, and a permanent adhesive. The sticker would also need to be impervious to paint or any other attempt to cover the message.

PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR SUGGESTION, and remember, I am not easily offended.

Drive safely and have a nice day! :)