It was an ordinary Monday night. Dallin and I were hanging out in the church parking lot. He was riding his Honda CRF50R and I was watching as a proud and jealous papa. Proud of his prodigious skills and jealous because I wanted a motorcycle more than life when I was his age.
So, anyway, the bishop of the other ward and I have a history of disagreements over kids riding a mini-bike in an empty church parking lot, wearing a helmet, gloves, goggles, and a long sleeve shirt, with plenty of alert adult supervision.
I was not surprised when a cop showed up three minutes after the bishop left. The officer was cool about the whole situation, especially since he knew we were not violating any laws. He was glad to see Dallin's safety gear, noted his control of the motorcycle, and wished us a good evening.
The evening took a most awesome turn when we arrived home. My sorta twin sister (same birthday!) had dropped off a present to commemorate and celebrate the birth of her favorite person, ME! I was so excited to get another package of the most comfortable white tube socks ever. They are the ones with the grey and red toe stripes. The GOOD kind. I love them, love them, love them! Then, it got even better. Steph got me a magical present, one complete with power and glory, one which transformed me instantly after I put it on.
THE THREE WOLVES HOWLING AT THE MOON T-SHIRT!
I pulled it on and even before I could remove the white tag on the front my thumbs magically arose and I was channeling the spirit of The Fonz!
Then, the unseen magic contained within the shirt caused my sleeves to scrunch up, as though the shirt were actually a muscle tee, and my guns expanded to impress the ladies. I was immediately attacked by one of the ladies, who could not contain herself. She kept kissing me and tried to lure me after her with her brightly colored hair decorations.
But, I was not to be swayed be her. The shirt's ethereal aura spun my cap around to further reveal may true badness. A trophy flew into my hand, one which pronounced my true inner champion to the world. I felt like I had never truly lived before I put on the shirt.
This lady is still begging me to take her as my own. I believe she even wants me to be the father of her children. Thanks THREE WOLVES HOWLING AT THE MOON SHIRT, and thank you Stephanie for granting me this great gift of power!
Links to check out ABC News, 3 Wolf Moon-Pocahontas, and the original review by a law student. (Note to Steph, in the review, read what the dude was doing at Wal-Mart, I nearly pee'd myself. This shirt truly reveals my inner white-trashedness. Now I just need the mullet and goatee!)
4 comments:
No, no mullet and NO NO goatie!!!
Oh Steph you have no idea how much Abby is so mad at you for lowering the standards of her father, as he threatened her to show up at school hollaring her name! She is Horrified and well very upset with her Aunt Nee Nee! All in fu!!!...ThanKs for making his LIFE!!!!
You Crack me up Scott!! I never knew that you were SO funny!! The things we learn here in blog world!! lol Happy Birthday (a little late) :)
I want you to know that I had already bought your tube socks before I bought the shirt.......then I came home and read the review and was dying laughing.
It is destiny......you have now summoned the 3 wolf/ moon powers and the tube sock sexiness!
Congrats on the redneck FHE.....only my brothers can turn a special occassion into a episode of COPS.
Tell Abby that you will wear "The Shirt" when her first date comes to pick her up........he will then know, that you are not to be messed with.
Good job Steph! Grandma Lee must be so proud when she looks down on him howling at the moon! Maybe he's getting in touch with his Gen. Robert E. Lee genes. Go get 'em tiger! Hope your birthday was great! Peggy
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