I just don't understand what compels these morons to drive 55 mph in the carpool lane. There is already a special lane reserved for these people. It is on the far right side and it is called "the slow lane". I am guessing these special people are so "slow" they are not even aware of how "slow" they are.
Here are a few tips to help you determine if you are one of these slow people who will be spending eternity searching for ice water:
- Look at your speedometer. If you are not going at least 10 mph over the maximum posted speed limit, you better buy some asbestos underwear.
- Look out of your front windshield. If the only cars in front of you are ones that recently swerved in front of you, nearly clipping your bumper, while the driver honked, glared, and gave you the Italian Salute, I hope you like BBQ.
- Look in the rear-view mirror. If however, you are like most of the morons driving slow in the carpool lane, you don't even know what or where the rear-view mirror is. Consult your owners manual. After finding the mirror if you see a long stream of cars all driving bumper to bumper behind you and there is only clear sailing ahead of you, please pull over, get out of your car, and repeatedly slam the drivers door shut on your head.
- If you find you are one of these (choice adjective) slow drivers, please exit the carpool lane immediately. Cross the double white lines now. Do not wait for the dashed lines to appear. If you get a ticket because you crossed the double white lines while leaving the carpool lane because you have realized you are of the "special people", I will gladly pay the fine for you. So long as you swear to never leave the far right lane again, that is.
In conclusion, though I am normally a very tolerant person (kind, forgiving, understanding, slow to anger and all of that), I do draw the line at driving slow in the improperly named carpool lane (it should be named the ultra-high speed passing lane and be restricted for drivers who are comfortable driving at least 20 mph over the speed limit.) I feel it is my duty to warn those who violate the very laws of nature and drive slow in the carpool lane of their impending doom, and to call them to repentance. Those who insist on violating the true and intended purpose of the carpool lane will be expediently cast down to "hello operator," where they will be forced to listen to __________________________ for eternity. Have a nice day :)
(If you read this post, I request you make a comment, and also that you fill in the blank with whatever you find contemptible to listen to. It may be a specific song, artist, genre, high-council speaker, me, or anything else you would personally feel tortured if you had to listen to it for an eternity.)
4 comments:
First of all, you are NOT a tolerant person. Hello?
I laughed the whole way through your post........Jeff kept getting in and out of the carpool lane on Sat. DrIvInG Me CrAzY!!! If only people could drive like you and Jeff, what a wonderful world it would be!
And my suggestion for the blank is, watching Howdy Town........
Glad you updated!
What's wrong with driving slow in the carpool lane? I thought it was reserved for those of us who are concerned for the safety of our children. just kidding. I wanted to get a reaction out of you. Actually, I agree with everything you said. So how are ya, Scott? By the way, I think my thing I couldn't stand listening to for the rest of eternity would be classical music. I played enough of it in high school. ich.
Oh boy..I gues neither of these too commenters have had to drive WITH you for the last 14 years! We all hold on for dear life and watch out if he has missed na exit or if you are not talking loud enough for him to hear the directions or if you are eating something that cruches in the car or need I say more driving with Ornery is a treat...so I try and nap! I would say they have to listen to you and your mother argue always a treat! It is endless going nowhere arguing!
Wait, I don't get it, I thought the carpool lane WAS reserved for those of us who are concerned for the safety of our children. Dang it! It looks like I was left out of the loop again! So...what kind of car do you drive so I can get out of the way as fast as possible if we ever have an encounter?
I think I would cut out my own ears if I had to listen to any one of the following for all of eternity...a dull pencil or dry marker being used, a tissue being used to erase something on the chalkboard, or Cody grinding his teeth together. Aaaahh, quiet you!
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